“Never give up”
By Bonnie Bonham
Winner of the 2010 Expect Success Award
“Never give up” entered my mind at the same time the polio virus attacked my body. I was just 18 months old--feverish, uncomfortable and crying. I lived with my family in a small town in Michigan where doctors still made house calls. My doctor came by the house, checked on me in my crib and pronounced that I was cutting teeth and would feel better in a few days. A few days later the fever subsided and I seemed to feel better.
From birth, I was a quick learner and was walking by nine months old, but when I was back to feeling better, my walking took on an unusual gait--my grandfather described, “She has the cutest little waddle.” In addition to the waddle, my parents noticed that I would fall over the minutest items on the floor. Thus began rounds of trips to doctors, eventually leading to an assessment by specialists at University of Michigan Medical Center. Their diagnosis: Bonnie had muscular dystrophy and was not expected to live through her childhood. "Take her home, make her comfortable and wait for her to die," the doctor said.
My mother asked about sending me to school and they responded that it didn’t really matter. However, my mother was not ready to give up. She threw away the white chalky “medicine” that the doctors had given her, and proceeded to massage my legs daily with hot olive oil. When I was three, my parents took me to a highly-recommended chiropractor who was gifted in diagnosis. When I walked into his office, he immediately concluded, “This little girl had polio.” He treated me for many years and kept me walking.
Falling easily became a way of life for me, but I picked myself up over and over and
over again and continued on my journey. I not only attended school, but excelled in all my classes and graduated from high school as a member of the national honor society.
College was difficult. These were the days before ADA and most campuses were not accessible. Although I was not a wheelchair user, I continued to walk with a polio gait, easily fell down, and struggled tremendously with climbing stairs. However, I did complete a year at a Christian college and then graduated from a college of business.
I discovered early in my job-hunting that disability discrimination existed. As I struggled from interview to interview the mantra in my mind, “Never give up,” always pressed me toward the next interview and during these first career-building years, I enjoyed some very creative positions – my favorites being a church secretary/organist and a design layout specialist for a local printing company.
However, I developed a restless spirit and an appetite for adventure.
During Michigan winters, ice and snow were my nemesis and forced me into more seclusion than my active lifestyle demanded. I did a little research and decided that California was calling my name. I talked a girl friend into heading West with me.
We contracted with a local Thunderbird dealer to deliver one of his cars to San Francisco. Of course, I had to call on my “Never give up” mantra to convince my parents that I was leaving the nest. “What if the car breaks down,” they said. “What if you don’t get a job?”
“What if you have an accident?” My response then and now is always that I don’t live my life on ‘what ifs’.
We settled in Whittier, California. I got a job as a legal secretary, rented an apartment and bought a car. California was an adventure and new lifestyle. It was fun and it was challenging. I eventually met a wonderful man; also a polio survivor and we decided to get married.
My mother was not very supportive. “Who will take care of you?” she asked. “Mom, I take care of myself,” my never-give-up self responded. “We’ll be fine.”
When a friend asked my roommate, “How will they get along?” She ignored the innuendo, and responded, “They get along fine, that’s why they’re getting married.”
A year after our marriage, I went to the doctor to confirm my pregnancy. This wonderful doctor informed me that if I had asked, he would not have recommended that I have children, but he was fully supportive and said that we would make this work. And make it work, we did, giving birth to a hefty healthy son, David; and three years later to a beautiful little girl, Heather.
By this time, the Americans with Disabilities Act had been passed and my husband, who previously used crutches, was now a wheelchair user. I continued to walk unaided, but struggled with overall weakness. Can you raise babies, give love and affection and keep them safe – without ever being able to lift and carry them across the room? Yes, you can!
But it takes a great deal of creativity and ingenuity.
With our family intact, we ventured into business as a home builder and for several years, while raising our children, we built accessible homes and advocated with cities and counties, companies and school districts to make buildings, streets and sidewalks wheelchair accessible.
About the time the building boom in California busted, George became ill, suffering a mini-stroke. We left the building business, not knowing where life would lead. By this time, the children were in junior high school and I learned about post-polio syndrome. I began to experience new weakness and fatigue. Falling became more prevalent and dangerous so I eventually concluded that using a wheelchair was necessary. This was a difficult decision because it felt a little like giving up. However, once I made the decision, it was a gift. I could do more! I could go further! And faster!
I bought a small mail-box rental service and started on a new career and a new adventure. This was a small community-based business and it was fun to develop it into a full-fledged office support service.
Seven years later, I sold the business and went to work for an environmental firm that transferred me to Georgia as office manager for a new company they had bought as part of an expansion.
Now the children are grown. David has graduated from Georgia State with an IT degree and is married. Heather has moved to the Virgin Islands (she apparently inherited her mother’s craving for adventure).
Life is moving along rather smoothly when George, beloved husband, succumbs to myriad health problems and leaves me a widow at age 55. I was devastated. “Never give up” resonated in my mind. I almost did not allow myself to grieve for I knew that I was alone, I had to take care of myself.
My job at the environmental firm dissolved when the company over-expanded too fast.
Widowed! Unemployed! What to do next? Start my own business!
Working with my own business, I contracted with a non-profit organization to develop and implement the EasyLiving Home program with a goal to change the standard of construction for single-family homes to include basic access features for a better home for everyone. I developed a certification program for builders to use in marketing
their homes. We were working with about 75 builders in Georgia and in the process of replicating the program in other states when catastrophe struck.
A pick-up truck turned directly in front of me for no apparent reason and with no opportunity to swerve or avoid the crash! I was in hospital with a broken arm and seven other fractures throughout my body. I was already a wheelchair user. My arms, though weakened from the polio virus, were what kept me independent and a working and an
active member of society. I was helpless. This seemed more than I could handle.
The first weeks were painful and excruciatingly difficult. I couldn’t feed myself, I couldn’t open my mail, I couldn’t perform what is known in the disability community as ADL’s – activities of daily living. And for sure, I wasn’t able to go back to work.
Never give up, never give up, never give up. This had to be my mantra. I just could not accept a life without activity, joy and adventure. Perhaps now the biggest adventure was getting back my independence. What followed was a year of rehabilitation. However, the problem with polio survivors is that once you have lost the use of muscle, it is very difficult, usually impossible, to get it back.
So, after a year of rehab, I had to decide how best to move forward. It was abundantly clear that I would not get back full use of my arms. I needed assistance in the morning and at night for bathing and dressing. Insurance, even the auto insurance, did not cover the need for long-term assistance so I had to be able to continue to support myself, including this extra expense of personal assistance.
Accepting the necessity of part-time personal assistance was a little like succumbing to the wheelchair. Now that I had assistance in the morning, getting up and dressed took much less energy than when I was totally independent. I had more energy and time for work. I went back to work with the EasyLiving Home program and continued to work with them for a couple more years.
As we all know, the downturn of the housing market played havoc with the whole economy and with EasyLiving Home totally tied to the housing market, funding evaporated. By the beginning of 2009, we knew that closing the program was on the horizon and the program closed down in December 2009.
During this last year with the program, while a door was closing, I looked for another door to open and it has. At 67, I am embarking on a new, exciting and promising career.
Living with a disability has never been easy, but it is my belief that everyone deals with some kind of disability. Some are very visible and some are indiscernible. Mine has always been visible – from the time of my polio gait to being a wheelchair user. Others are not so visible: depression, anxiety, learning disabilities and others of which we may
not even be aware.
When the never-give-up mantra entered my mind those many years ago, I believe that I was also given the gift of dealing with my own disability. As difficult as it has been, I’m not sure I would trade it for someone else’s. As difficult as it has been, I have always had
the ability to find joy, happiness and adventure in this wonderful life.
Enter Website - www.KarlaBrandau.com
