by Karla Brandau, CSP

Emerson said: "Speech is power: speech is to persuade, to convert, to compel." If you want your words to have the power to compel, however, you must first understand the person's mental and emotional state.

A sonar system on a submarine can "see" things in the ocean the sailors can't physically see themselves.
Your personal sonar of attentiveness can also "see" more than just the words in conversations.

If you can "see" the nonverbal clues to behavior that are hidden to an insensitive person, you will create more rapport and become a powerful influencer.

Hidden Clues

Some of the hidden clues you should try to "see" are:

The Spine. If the person you are speaking with suddenly stands up straighter, moves their head into a more upright position and firmly plants their feet on the floor, your sonar may tell you they are ready to fight for their position.

The Blush. Next, observe the skin colorations in the person's face. A person who is getting angry or embarrassed will typically blush.

The blush may not be just on the cheeks - check the tips of the ears, the forehead and the jaw line. The blush may not be just soft and rosy, but may be purply pink or blotchy red.

These blushes are hard to miss and need to be taken into account as you construct your next response to them.

The Tightness. Small muscle changes will vary widely, but look for muscle tightness near the edges of the mouth, squinting of the eyes, tightness in the jaw, creases on the forehead or between the eyes.

These changes usually signal that the person has great concern or resistance to your ideas.

The Lower Lip. This is one of the most common small muscle changes. A person who is experiencing stress will tense their lower lip, hence the saying, "tight-lipped." Others may bite their lip or experience severe dryness or increased wetness.

Extreme emotions will cause a person's lip to tremble.

Here is a rule of thumb: if the lip is trembling, stop, look and listen before you proceed with your next comment.

The Breathing. Another barometer are changes in breathing. A person whose internal state is changing will start breathing faster and the breaths will be shallow, not deep.

Watch for the up-and-down movement of their chest or abdomen.

The Voice. Many characteristics can change about the voice, but you want to be sensitive to the pitch, the volume, and the speed.
These changes are not hard to sense.

A person who is getting upset will raise the pitch of their voice as they speak louder and faster.

Increased Personal Power

By using your personal sonar to observe subtle changes in another person's internal emotions and state of mind, you understand that person at a greater depth. This gives you the ability to flex your responses to get the results you want from the conversation.

Watch your influence and personal power grow.